Toby Keith hates America

Its true. The popular country singer has a secret disdain for the military and all things America. I found this out last night in an unfortunate chain of events.
I went to OKC with 5 friends because we got out early from work. Figured we'd live the American dream for an afternoon. Enjoy a sunny day. Go to a minor league baseball game. Get a burger at Toby Keith's restaurant.
Well, apparently our plan was going to be sabotaged by Mr. Keith himself. We got there early and decided to eat first. Apparently that honkey motherfucker has the nerve to give a free plate of french fries and a burger to any service member coming by his place for the first time. To make matters worse, hes got dollar beers on Thursdays. Who does that shit. That son of a bitch.
So now im fucking hammered and full, and ready to yell at some ball players. We get in there, and that bastard filled me up to the point where i no longer can enjoy a nice ballpark hotdog. And guess what, his reign of terror had spread. The ballpark was handing out dollar beers too. What is this, the USSR? At some point during the game, someone felt it was a good idea to prank call our uptight supervisor. Yea, thanks alot Toby. Strike 1 against us.
Well now 6 very fucked up guys are looking for some fun, but unfortunately, OKC is a fucking gravesite on thursdays. So what brilliant idea do I come up with? Going to Norman to go find some college girls. Unfortunately, that means our not so designated driver has to get behind the wheel. Don't worry, hes a professional.
After this, the night gets hazy, and so I will just give you the snippets that I can remember.

First bar in norman:
drank dollar fucking beers. AHHH
hung out with the OU wrestling team.
Stole a picture off the wall. Fucking Toby Keith Madness was getting to me

2nd Bar in Norman:
Had my first cigarette in over a month. Gross. WTFM8 I was almost a quitter.
Drank alot of vodka tonics. Fuck beer. Im done.
Got some girls number apparently, though I cant remember who she is or what lies I told her.
Stole poor Samantha Renee Simmons' ID card apparently. Poor girl.
Called some girl a fucking skank after she insulted my Spain soccer jersey.

And this is just when it gets unreal:
chased some guy down the street as he ran to his car. Made him apologize to my friend for saying something in passing as he walked by that I took offense to apparently.
Had my friend steal a fucking dog as we were getting ready to drive off.
Had said friend drop off dog in a nice neighborhood, only to realize that he fucking got off with the dog and rang the doorbell to a house. At 2am.
Had the cops called on us for apparently waking up the President of the University. Good call.
Nearly got thrown in jail. Toby Keith is a fucking hater. And so is that fucking President.
Somehow we talked our way out of jail and into a taxi to nowhere. But not before the dog ran away.
Killed about 20 traffic cones on the way home.
Eventually drove home, missed PT and the entire morning of class, and parts of my soul along the way.
Found Ms. Simmons ID in my pocket this morning. Found her on facebook. Still waiting for a reply.
Toby Keith, we aren't friends anymore. Cockbag.


Dont drive drunk with Daffy Duck.

Almost time...

No denying it now, my mind has drifted. This is the exact reason why, if offered the chance, I'll be taking my R&R from Iraq to Australia or France or some shit. Not home, no way. 6 weeks left of training(who am I kidding, theres like a handful of real days left) but I'm not too worried about anything other than the homefront. And not just seeing parents and friends. I spend my days caring less about learning how to use AFATDS and more and more about who I'm looking forward to hooking up with, how I can get out of my recruiting duties to lay on the beach during the day, and what places I'm gonna eat.

Today I spent my Light Infantry Mortars class making a Target List Worksheet and Execution Matrix of the girls I'd be going after when I got home. For those of you not in the FA, I basically just put a bunch of names down in order of precedence. The Army didn't make me a disturbed, horny individual. It just made me an organized one.
Yesterday I wrote out all the restaurants and places I'd be wanting to go. Another post for another time, if only so that my friends can get a clue as to what they need to be doing over those 2 weeks instead of working.
Ladies of Oklahoma, I am unofficially off your market. You have wasted my charms long enough. I will be returning to the sultry bitchy ladies of South Florida, who will only make me long for the wonderful charms of the women of Austin, TX.
Regardless of that fact, and that my last trip to South Florida was an outright disaster, I will be striking with a vengeance. Who knows if and when I'll be back, after all.

Start Of Someting Old

Well friends, its finally here. First post on Billy Zane. I've been putting off dipping into the blogging world for a while now, despite countless amount of pressure, especially from Alex over at HablaMierda. Im not quite sure where I'm gonna take this blog. Im sure alot of it will involve my experiences with my work, my former life in South Florida, my pending deployment to Mesopotamia. Im sure it will also be littered by political bitching, complaining about random shit, and countless love to my boy Billy Zane and his trampoline. So hang in there, while I try and find my identity in this crazy blogosphere and figure out where the church of Zane will direct us. Twinky Deuces yo.