Toby Keith hates America

Its true. The popular country singer has a secret disdain for the military and all things America. I found this out last night in an unfortunate chain of events.
I went to OKC with 5 friends because we got out early from work. Figured we'd live the American dream for an afternoon. Enjoy a sunny day. Go to a minor league baseball game. Get a burger at Toby Keith's restaurant.
Well, apparently our plan was going to be sabotaged by Mr. Keith himself. We got there early and decided to eat first. Apparently that honkey motherfucker has the nerve to give a free plate of french fries and a burger to any service member coming by his place for the first time. To make matters worse, hes got dollar beers on Thursdays. Who does that shit. That son of a bitch.
So now im fucking hammered and full, and ready to yell at some ball players. We get in there, and that bastard filled me up to the point where i no longer can enjoy a nice ballpark hotdog. And guess what, his reign of terror had spread. The ballpark was handing out dollar beers too. What is this, the USSR? At some point during the game, someone felt it was a good idea to prank call our uptight supervisor. Yea, thanks alot Toby. Strike 1 against us.
Well now 6 very fucked up guys are looking for some fun, but unfortunately, OKC is a fucking gravesite on thursdays. So what brilliant idea do I come up with? Going to Norman to go find some college girls. Unfortunately, that means our not so designated driver has to get behind the wheel. Don't worry, hes a professional.
After this, the night gets hazy, and so I will just give you the snippets that I can remember.

First bar in norman:
drank dollar fucking beers. AHHH
hung out with the OU wrestling team.
Stole a picture off the wall. Fucking Toby Keith Madness was getting to me

2nd Bar in Norman:
Had my first cigarette in over a month. Gross. WTFM8 I was almost a quitter.
Drank alot of vodka tonics. Fuck beer. Im done.
Got some girls number apparently, though I cant remember who she is or what lies I told her.
Stole poor Samantha Renee Simmons' ID card apparently. Poor girl.
Called some girl a fucking skank after she insulted my Spain soccer jersey.

And this is just when it gets unreal:
chased some guy down the street as he ran to his car. Made him apologize to my friend for saying something in passing as he walked by that I took offense to apparently.
Had my friend steal a fucking dog as we were getting ready to drive off.
Had said friend drop off dog in a nice neighborhood, only to realize that he fucking got off with the dog and rang the doorbell to a house. At 2am.
Had the cops called on us for apparently waking up the President of the University. Good call.
Nearly got thrown in jail. Toby Keith is a fucking hater. And so is that fucking President.
Somehow we talked our way out of jail and into a taxi to nowhere. But not before the dog ran away.
Killed about 20 traffic cones on the way home.
Eventually drove home, missed PT and the entire morning of class, and parts of my soul along the way.
Found Ms. Simmons ID in my pocket this morning. Found her on facebook. Still waiting for a reply.
Toby Keith, we aren't friends anymore. Cockbag.


Dont drive drunk with Daffy Duck.